Batman’s Women and You

For years I’ve had a theory: When men meet a woman, they eventually give them  a Batman allegory. Whether they know it or not (I know I have), they assign certain character traits to a female that are best represented through one of Batman’s many love interests. To help those lonely men out (and if you’re still reading this, chances are you’re lonely) below is the list of woman you may encounter through the years, Lord knows I have:

1. Catwoman: She’s perfect for you; same interests, same sense in style, and the same sense of adventure. You both have your vices and hers may skew toward bad, but the chemistry when you’re together is always palpable. The problem is, once you’re done chasing each other around for years and decide to try a relationship out, you miss the thrill of the night. So, it’s best to leave her as a casual encounter, and trust me she’ll leave you as well; she’s just as strong as you are.
2. Vicki Vale: This is a girl you go on a few dates with, who asks you too many personal questions and is always sticking her nose in your business. You end up cutting her out of your life when she shows up somewhere she shouldn’t uninvited, like say your Bat-cave for instance…
3. Harley Quinn: Crazy girl that only likes you because her ex-boyfriend hates you. Stay away from her romantically.
4. Poison Ivy: The girl you meet out late one night, whose pheromones are almost impossible to resist. Be careful, one kiss from her can ruin your life.
5. Zatanna: The life long friend who other people think you should date, but you two know better than to get involved. Sure, a kiss every now and then won’t hurt.
6. Talia al Ghul: When you find her, she is the perfect woman for you… then you meet her dad. Crazy father in-law would be an understatement. You and him don’t see eye to eye on any issue what-so-ever and eventually this will ruin your relationship with his daughter. Warning: she may also never tell you she is pregnant with your child.
7. Batgirl: A good friend, a trusted ally, and the girl you need more than any to share information with. She’s always there to help.
8. Lois Lane: You like her because she dates your best friend, but you would never try to steal her away.
9. Wonder Woman: Gorgeous, exotic, strong, caring, the list goes on forever. You have the same interests, but can argue about where you differ; above anyone else though, you respect her opinion. She loves you and you love her, it is just a matter of admitting it.